How to save a Life
by chamoon
Summary: One Shot DESTIEL fluffy about how Cas could have saved Dean's life just by talking to him on the phone. Could settle betwen 9x10 and 9x12 - cute story about love saving a desperate soul from perdition.


**_Disclaimer:_ _I don't own Supernatural, Dean or Castiel (unfortunatly, they would be together since a long time by now if I did) and I don't own the song that inspired this story._**

**English isn't my first language so be lenient with me.**

**This scene could settle between episode 10 and 12 of season 9, when Dean went separated ways with Sam and Cas stayed with Sam.**

**If you could write a review to tell me what are your thoughts about the One Shot, some misspels that I could possibly do or any comment that you'd like to share with me, it would help. Any critic is welcome as long as you stay polite. **

**This is a story about how Cas could have saved Dean's life when he was at his lowest.**

Let him know that you know best  
'Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defence  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
Pray to God, he hears you  
And I pray to God, he hears you

And where did I go wrong? I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life 

A tear rolled along his cheek while he was lying on the bed. He thought about everything that happened to him lately. He felt so guilty and so bad about Kevin's death and Sam's departure. He didn't have anything left, he couldn't think about anything but the vengeance he needed. It was his only goal, he didn't want to think about what would be next, probably nothing actually. He was so desperate, so lonely... Without even noticing, he whispered a name: "Cas."

Then he started to express how he felt, he didn't think that maybe, his angel could have his ears on now that he was an angel again.

"I'm so... So messed up... Man I don't even know what I am anymore. Buddy I don't... I don't feel good, I feel aweful. This is my fault, this is all my fault... They're right you know, everyone. People around me just keep dying. You know what? You should actually get the hell away from me because I care about you, and you know what happen to every single person I care about? They end up killed, or worse. It would be so selfish to tell you that I need you again but... I do." Dean's voice cracked up.

He was holding up his tears, he didn't use to cry much though he lost so many people in his life. He was kind of used to it, as sad as it sounded. After all, he could always hold onto his little brother, Sammy, who was always here for him. This time though, it was different, he didn't have him anymore and he just felt like he had nothing at all. He jumped when the phone on the table rang. He picked it up.

"Dean." Castiel's loud voice said on the other side of the line.

The hunter didn't answer, he didn't want him to hear the pain in his voice, he made everyone suffer far enough.

"I heard your prayer. Cas continued and, seeing that Dean didn't talk to him, he insisted. Dean, I know you're there. I'm doing my best to answer your prayer right now. Am I doing it wrong?"

The young man was always amazed by Castiel's ignorance, and his concern of doing things right. He didn't notice it but a little smirk stretched his lips.

"I'm listening." Were the only three words he pronounced as a sign that he heard him.

"I'd wish I was by your side because... I don't know, telephonic conversations aren't really authentical. I can't say anything that will make you feel better, I know it. But at least I could be fighting with you. You can say whatever you want Dean, you can think whatever you want, I will never think the same. And I will never stay away from you, I won't let you down, I won't leave you alone."

Dean wouldn't admit it but his words felt like a relief, he needed someone to say that to him, specially Castiel who's been through a lot for him.

"You may think that after your revenche, that you're not forced to do, you won't have anythink to look forward. But you're wrong, you're not alone. Sam and me, we're here, and we're not going anywhere." The angel kept saying.

"Cas, I'm tired of this... So tired. It's been years, I keep saying it. Now it's just too much I can't do it anymore. I can't keep pretending, I'm not strong enough." The hunter finally answered.

"Last time you said that to me, you stopped the appocalypse."

"The appocalypse that I triggered. Look at Sam, he wanted to die, he was willing to give up, leaving me alone. Now that I saved him, because I didn't want to do it alone, he blames me and he's right. But Cas, I'm tired to be what I am, why do I always have to be strong, not only for me but for Sam too? I'm... I'm just done."

" Dean..." The angel's voice was quavering. "Listen to me, I got it. I know the way you think but... Don't you dare give up. I swear I..."

"You what Cas? You'll beat the hell out of me and say that you sacrificed every single thing you had for me and that you lost everything for nothing? Yeah, that's not a surprise, don't you worry, I'm used to it. I do that, disappointing people."

"No Dean, I won't hurt you. I think I understand better how humans think now and... I'm starting to feel it the same way. Feelings that I was not aware appeared to me. You told me one thing many times and I never said it back. It doesn't mean it wasn't true for me as well. This time, I'm just going to tell it to you. I need you too."

Dean's heart thighted and he felt tears glowing up his eyes. He wiped his cheeks angrily, furious to cry again.

"Cas I..." The young man began.

"No, let me finish it Dean. I don't think I could go on without you around now. I tried to ignore it but... It occurred to me, when I was human, that one day I was going to die. But more important, that _you _are going to die. And I discovered that I couldn't, after all we've been through... I'm an angel, at least I was, I'm not created to _feel._ I'm not created to rebel, but to obey. Everything I've done, I did it wrong, like you. But you did so many good things in your life too, things that I didn't do. I lived billions of years by my own, without feeling anything. Can you imagine how your existance seems short compared to mine? How bad I feel when I understand that we only have a few years left to be happy? Do you understand that I won't ever be able to let you go, to forget you? Can you think about how it feels when suddenly you realize that you lived since the world's creation and that you couldn't even survive a _year _without a certain human? It's killing me, that's why I'd rather be human. Because one day, amongst billions of years, I saw that _you _were the one."

Dean lost his words. He didn't know what to tell him. _What could he possibly answer to this? Did he really mean what thought he meant? _

" You are so much for me Dean, you are so much for Sam... You were so much for your mother, you father, Bobby, Kevin... So many people. You did so much for us, for me, so don't think **for a second **that you are nothing. We're a family, remember? We need you, and I need you."

The hunter gasped. The way Castiel quoted him on his own lines made him feel really listened. He could have tell him the same thing, he could have explain to him how much he cared about him, that he couldn't imagine his life without him, exactly as he couldn't imagine it without Sam but instead he stayed quiet, no word wanted to cross his lips. The angel resumed again:

"Like I said, we don't have much time, please, don't make it shorter. I am going to tell you something I never told to anyone... I know the telephone isn't the best way and I'm afraid you won't think the same of me after but... I've got to do it, I can't let you do that. Dean I... I love you. I really do. I mean, more than you do I'm afraid so. I love you more than a brother, more than a friend. And it scares me."

It hit Dean like a punch, he wasn't expecting that, or not that straight. He started to feel something for his angel that he wasn't supposed to feel, besides he was in a man's body. At first, he wanted to think it wasn't real and the fact that he was a dude helped but... He also couldn't forget that he was an angel and deep down, he was somehow asexual. Though, even if this thought made him feel more right, he always considered Cas like a man and the body he was in was _his. _He couldn't see him in another body. He didn't want to see him in another body. Not that he was homosexual or anything but, Castiel's personality helping, he ended up finding his body really attractive too. Plus, he couldn't say that Jimmy Novak was an ugly man, according to him, he was even more sexy than Doctor Sexy himself. Dean always refused to let his feelings go further, he couldn't love an angel, it was wrong. He never truly loved anyone. He never said it to anyone, not even Sam. It was doomed since the beginning, never Castiel could love him back, and he would never be brave enough to face his feelings. And now, it was happening. It felt like a dream becoming true, or a nightmare, considering that he would have to deal with himself.

He remarked he was still in his thoughts when he heard Castiel call his name a few times on the phone before he abandoned. Dean could hear the sadness and the pain when he sighted, surely convinced that the hunter would never answer him and that their profound bond was broken.

It was right, it wasn't the same anymore and Dean could make the choice to take the easy way, to be a coward. He could do like none of it happened, avoid the subject, act like he forgot it already... He oppened his mouth, he didn't really know what he was going to tell him, he only knew he couldn't leave him like that. Before he could havesaidanything the angel added:

"It's okay Dean, I got it. I'm sorry, I should never have said that..."

As he was about to hang on, Dean whispered, so gently that a human couldn't have hear it, but Cas wasn't totally human and he caught every single word he said.

"Cas... I love you too."

The hunter swore he could have hear a smile drawing on Castiel's face. Then, he hang on, unable to be stronger today. Anyway, he felt far better now, and he had the sensation life wasn't useless, he had a new goal. _Happiness. _


End file.
